They really DO say the darndest things.

On Thursdays, I usually stay a little later at work and get caught up after the kids leave. My gym class doesn't start until 5:30 and dismissal at work is at 4. B picks Logan up on Thursdays, so it's my one evening that I am free from the mad afternoon dash.

This week, we got an e-mail saying that we were going to have a certain club meeting at our school on Thursday and encouraged teachers to come join the fun. The purpose of this club is to provide a group and a sense of belonging for kids that just need a friend for a variety of reasons. Teachers provide the club committee with names of kids at the beginning of the year, and it's usually a pretty good turnout. The kids are also buddied up with teachers who volunteer. It's a very cool program.

Anyway. I decided to make my way down to the gym and check things out. I figured I'd stay for a little while, then go back to my room to get a little work done before heading to the gym.

Until I realized I was walking into The Land of Fun!

There were about 10 kids, four teachers, our principal and assistant principal. I joined in the first ice-breaker, a silly animal handshake game. My principal also transferred from the middle school and we kept laughing about what our former coworkers could say if they could see us know. The only animalistic greetings there landed kids in in-school suspension.

Next, we had healthy snacks and sat with the kids on the gym floor, eating and chatting. I'd never met most of these kids before. However, it was obvious why each of them were there...each one was a bit of a misfit in one way, shape, or form. It was like The Breakfast Club, elementary school style.

After the snack, we cranked up some fun music and started playing basketball. I found myself in a heated (and giggly) competition to see who could make three baskets first. The PE teachers got out scooter boards....

The kids LOVE these...they sat on them and moved their feet to slide around. They can be hooked up to each other, and kids quickly found a buddy to double their fun. One little first grade boy, however, didn't have a partner. I approached him and asked if he wanted me to contort my body two inches off the floor out of the kindness of my heart be his buddy and push him around. Enthusiastically, he agreed.

As he was coaching me on how to push and turn the board, our principal approached with a plastic wand. The little boy held one end, and she held the other, pulling us quickly. I was grinning, thinking what a difference we were making in these kids' lives and how we were really bonding with kids who really needed us.

And then he gestured to the principal's wand and said, "See? You don't have to push me now."

"Oh, okay!" I replied, "I'll just ride with you."

"Or...you could just get off," he responded.

Ahem.

Perhaps we'll bond a little more at next month's meeting.

Strong enough for a man, but not for dog doo.

Every week, Mama Kat, who is possibly the most hilarious girl in the blogosphere, hosts a "Writer's Workshop" with some fun prompts. This week, one caught my eye: "Describe the most destructive thing your pet has done."

Immediately, a story came to mind. You might remember me posting about my beloved dog (who we still refer to as our first baby), Marley.

Marley might have been the most loved and spoiled dog ever.

See?

He was an 110-pound massive American Bulldog who sadly died from a heart attack at 18 months, about two weeks after Logan was born.




Like the book and movie (which I still refuse to see, trouble seemed to find Marley.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Four years ago December 22, I woke up happy...it was my birthday! (I'm one of those annoying people who LOVES my birthday and I don't mind that it means I'm getting older. In fact, if you ask me how old I am, odds are it will take me a few minutes to figure it out.)


I had to go to work that day, and like every other weekday from August-May, I was rushing around my house, trying to get ready. I showered, got dressed, dried my hair, slapped on some makeup, threw it in the drawer, swiped on some deodorant, set it down, put my American Bulldog puppy, Marley, in his kennel, and rushed out the door.


After work, I came into our house, giddy about my birthday celebration that night. We were going out to dinner with my mom, and I had just enough time to get home, let Marley out, and get freshened up. Three steps into the house, I stopped short.


The smell was overpowering. It was the unmistakeable odor of dog poop.

Marley was still fairly young at that time, but he was housebroken. With great trepidation, I headed back to our bedroom, where Marley's kennel was housed.


There. Was. Poop. Everywhere.


It looked like Marley had put his sweet little white butt up to the kennel and shat straight out. There was poop on the walls. On the kennel. On the carpet. Under the kennel. And all over Marley.

I literally burst into tears, upset that there was no way that I would make the dinner reservation and for goodness sakes, this was my birthday!!!

Then I saw it. My deodorant that, in an ADD-haze, I had carelessly left on top of the kennel. It was no longer on top of the kennel, but instead, inside the kennel. That is, what was left of it. Marley had eaten about 90% of the deodorant and the container. Evidently, deodorant does not digest well, as I noticed it was mixed with Marley's birthday gift to me. Unfortunately, it didn't help the smell one bit.

I called my mom, in tears, to explain that I wasn't going to be able to make the dinner. I hauled Marley into the shower and after washing him off (as well as the poopy tracks leading to the shower), I tackled the kennel. By the time B arrived home, I was gulping big, fat, pity-party tears as I cleaned the kennel. And the walls. And the carpet. I was covered in the poo-deodorant mix by this time, too.

B took pity on me and took over cleaning while I tried to call the vet to find out just how poisonous deodorant was. They were closed, but directed me to a Poison Control for Dogs number that cost some ungodly amount of money. After hemming and hawing, I decided to take my chances and simply do my research google-style.

The good news was that Marley lived. The better news was that I was able to celebrate my birthday dinner.

The craziest part of the story is that still to this day, I think about my Marley and all the trouble that found him and miss him terribly.

Friday, please hurry....

My day started with a negative pregnancy test.

During the day, I dealt with two kids in complete crisis. Simultaneously. Honest to goodness...they were both screaming at the top of their lungs, sobbing hysterically, kicking and throwing things...and totally feeding off of one another. The story of how it ended is so unbelievable that I am going to save it for a rainy (aka blogger's block) day.

My day ended with me calling B to ensure he was picking L up from school. He didn't answer. I waited a few minutes and called again. And repeated that cycle again and again and again.

The last I had heard from him was that he was leaving his buddy's house (he had taken a personal day...apparently I should have followed his lead) and was headed to the gym.

I called L's school and he had not picked him up. I raced out of my building, and on the way, called the gym to find out if B had ever made it there. I was on the phone with them as I raced in, didn't say two words to L's teachers (and I admit, I am usually the mom who fishes for every last detail of L's day), scooped him up, and bolted out.

The girl at the gym told me that B had indeed been there about three hours before. The gym is, tops....three minutes from our house.

Let me interrupt this story to tell you that B is the most responsible man I have ever met. Sometimes it's annoying. Seriously. So I was a wreck, to put it lightly.

I tried calling his buddy, whose phone number had been disconnected.

I called B's dad, who suggested that maybe B and his friend were just drinking beer. (B doesn't even drink beer. Argh.)

I pulled into our street and hit our garage door. At this point, I was preparing to walk into the house to see my husband sprawled out on the floor, dead. I was actually planning on leaving Logan in the car so that he wouldn't be traumatized by the sight.

B's car was not in the garage.

As I started to dial Information to get the numbers for local hospitals, my phone rang. It was B.

"WHERE ARE YOU????" I psychotically screamed asked politely.

Apparently, there had been a miscommunication. He thought I was picking L up. He had been at the gym at 1:30...on Sunday. Today, however, he had gone to a gym near his friend's house and was just now heading home.

So forgive me if I am absent from commenting tonight. My large glass of wine and hot bubble bath are calling my name.

Santa's on speed dial in our house.

While we were in Texas, my aunt gave me a box entitled Elf on the Shelf. I had never heard of it, but I opened it up and saw that it was a little elf doll with a hardcover book that went along with it. She explained that her daughter-in-law has it and loves it and it becomes a Christmas tradition in their house. Who doesn't love a Christmas tradition, right?

Since we returned home, I hadn't really thought much about the Elf on the Shelf (which, ironically, I had set on a shelf and sort of forgotten about). The other day, I posted a status update on Facebook about my phone calls to Santa to report on Logan's behavior. The first time I called Santa, Logan retorted, "Don' say 'dos words to Santa!" The efficacy of my Santa calls seemed to wane quickly, however.

Not too much longer after my post, a friend of mine who is a child psychologist responded, asking if I had heard of Elf on the Shelf, explaining that some parents have a lot of success with it. I busted out ol' Elfy and sat down with Logan to read him the story. It was actually very cute, explaining that the Elf would sit somewhere in your house and watch your behavior. Each night after everyone went to sleep, the Elf would fly to Santa with a report. He'd end up back at your house in the morning, but always in a different place.


Logan had one job...to name the Elf.

His idea?


Drumroll please.....

Mr. Christmas.


(Anyone else out there love that as much as me?)

So far, Mr. Christmas has been watching Lo closely. However, Lo doesn't seem to care about Mr. Christmas' powers. Perhaps that is because out of the two nights that Mr. Christmas was supposed to report to Santa and return to a different place in the house, he only did it once. (Don't judge. I'm tired and forgetful at night too and perhaps Mr. Christmas needed a break as well. The North Pole is a long flight, you know. )

So although I'm not ready to retire Mr. Christmas yet, I am quite hopeful that he'll be even more effective next year.

Maybe I'll see if Mr. Christmas will report to Santa regarding potty-training. Because if he works in that department, he'll be my new hero.

Changin' it up

Happy Monday! It's rainy and freezing cold in my neck of the woods and I, for one, would like a change of scenery. Want to join me? If so, head on over to Notes from the Grove, where I am honored to be guest-posting for one of my all-time favorite bloggers. Her husband is returning from the Army and I am sure they are all holed up, enjoying each other after months away. While you are there, check out some of her previous posts too. I am certain you'll love her as much as I do!

Namaste!

Sunday Survey

I used to have a MySpace account, before I realized that between it, three emails (counting my work account), Facebook, Blogger, and Twitter, something had to go. I don't miss MySpace, but I do miss the little surveys/questionnaires/memes that came with it. Lucky for me, my girl Brittany posted one this week with some fun questions, so I stole it and am passing it on to you!

1.What is your current obsession ?

Two words: Getting pregnant. 'Nuff said.


2. What are you wearing today?

Oh, man...you had to ask. It's 2 pm and I'm still in my pj's. And robe.


3. What’s for dinner?

I've been super crabby all day since I put cleaning off till today, so I tried to make it up to B by suggesting we have breakfast for dinner. He and L love it...me, not so much. Unfortunately, he wasn't quite as excited about it as I had hoped, but perhaps that will change this evening.


4. What’s the last thing you bought?

A bunch of stuff from the dollar store. L has a "quiet box" at school filled with small toys that can keep him busy if he wakes up from his nap early. It was time to "freshen" the quiet boxes so we hit up the dollar store and man, was he excited. I also got a scarf for myself for $1! And it's actually pretty cute!


5. What are you listening to right now?

Silence. B is at the gym and L is napping. And yes, it IS golden.


6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

I absolutely love Brittany and can't wait to meet her IRL this spring! If it doesn't pan out, I will truly be devastated.


7. If you could have a house, totally paid for, fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

In the boundaries of the school where I work. That's my other obsession right now. I think my school is pretty amazing and will do whatever it takes for L to go there for kindergarten.


8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?

Those cheap tank tops from Old Navy. I live in them.


9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

The beach in Jamaica. But I'd beg and plead to be able to stay for more than an hour.


10. Which language do you want to learn?

Italian. And sign.


11. What’s your favorite quote?

"I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way aqain!"-Jerry Lewis


12. Who do you want to meet right now?

Well, I'd normally say Ben McKenzie. But I would hate to meet him looking a hot mess like I do right now. So...well, um. I really don't want to meet anyone looking the way I do right now.


13. What is your favorite colour?

Fall-y hues. Deep reds, browns, dark oranges. Love 'em.


14. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?

This hoodie, but in brown:

It's from JCrew and I wear it constantly. I got it from the J Crew outlet and I still paid more for it than I normally would for a hoodie. But it's Sherpa-lined (and therefore warm and soft) and worth every single penny.

15. What is your dream job?

I have it and I love it. The only thing I'd change is that I'd love to work 4 days a week instead of 5, so I could have an extra day with L.



16. What’s your favorite magazine?

Ah...the guilty pleasure that is US Weekly. I have a subscription and everything.


17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

A pair of Black Uggs. My cousin wore some when we visited her in Texas, and I really, really want some now.



18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

Tights with socks. I saw someone at work wearing them the other day and it immediately brought me back to 1986. At least she didn't wear two pairs with the opposite color on top, but still.

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

Considering my favorite piece of clothing is a brown hoodie, I don't think it will be a big shocker that I don't pay much attention to style...of myself, or celebrities.

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?

I love long hair with sweeping bangs. Alas, I have the saddest, finest hair that when it reaches past my shoulders, only gets stringy, not sexy.


21. What are you going to do after this?

Finally take a (super-hot) shower and actually get dressed. You know, in sweats.


22. What are your favorite movies?

Annie, Girl Interrupted, Garden State, Spiderman, The Wizard of Oz, Elf.


23. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?

Tinted Moisturizer. I don't like the caked-on-makeup look and mixing it with my foundation helps me stay away from it.

Concealer. I have the darkest undereye circles known to man.

Avon's Brown Sugar Scrub. I sell Avon, and this is my #1 favorite product. I am going to do a giveaway soon and I promise it will be part of the package.

24. What inspires you ?

My students, especially those who are nonverbal. Good teachers with whom I work. My grandfather. My spinning and Body Pump instructors. Positive people. My friends, both IRL and in the blogosphere. Good music.

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you?

1. Wear what makes you comfortable. If you don't feel good, you won't look good either.

2. Curl your eyelashes even if you aren't wearing makeup. It makes such a difference.

3. Smile. It always makes you look and feel better.


26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?

Like Brittany, I throw on some extra accessories...a cute scarf, jewelry, headband, or just some bright lip gloss.


27. Coffee or tea?

It depends on the day. The majority of the time, I'll choose coffee, but I do have my tea cravings from time to time.


28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

Talk to the girls at work, blog, exercise, indulge in something fattening and delicious, have a glass of wine or a beer.


29. What is the meaning of your name?

Queen. What else?


30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

If I've commented on your blog and/or follow you, I love you.

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

Dove Dark Chocolate, ice cream, oatmeal raisin cookies, Funfetti cupcakes, Laura's microwaved cake, and my mom's apple cake.

32. Favorite Season?

Summer, followed closely by fall.


33. If I come to your house now, what would you cook for me?

I'm not so hot in the kitchen. But I'd pay for whatever takeout you wanted!

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

Try to figure out the reason behind their actions. Odds are, they are in pain for one reason or another themselves and it has nothing to do with me.

35. How do you calm yourself down when you are agitated or angry?

Take deep breaths, do something creative, go to a class at the gym, cry.

36.Who is the modern ideal girl: The one who knows how to shop, dress and enjoy, or the one who is simple but manages the house, kids and herself well?

Without a doubt, the second one. I'm constantly striving for that.
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I am tagging each and every one of you! If you fill it out, let me know. I'm a sucker for reading these just as much as I am filling them out. Enjoy what's left of your weekend!

Chasing my tail.

I want to post.

Really. I do.

I want to post about the Veterans Day assembly we had this week and how it made me cry. I want to tell you all about the "thank you for being a hero" song that the 5th graders sang to the veterans who came that made tears run right down my face. I want to paint a picture of the very elderly veteran who came to our assembly and needed his daughter's assistance to help him stand when the Marine song was sang by the students. (Yeah. I sobbed.)

I want to tell you my funny kid story of the week. It's about a second grader, who guessed that the turkey we were making in speech therapy would have 10,000 feathers when we were finished. I want to tell you that I couldn't hold back my giggles when we realized there were only 11 and he said, genuinely, "Man, I was WAY off."

I want to tell you about helping my kids who are non-verbal use their augmentative communication devices (i.e., machines that talk for them) and the big successes they've had, reporting the weather to their classmates and joining in classroom discussions.

I want to tell you about the craziest thing that happened to me via Facebook...finding out that someone I've been talking to on a fairly regular basis at work is one of my grade school friends. Neither one of us knew it until this week.

I want to tell you to go quickly to Molly Lou Gifts and check out this giveaway. I really want to win some adorable notecards.

I even want to tell you about L walking in on me and B ... um, wait, maybe you don't want to hear the rest. But for some weird reason, I do want to tell you about it.

But I can't.

Well, I guess I kind of just did.

But I can't give you all the details because I am crazy, pull-my-hair-out busy. Between trying to get back on the workout wagon, and testing 390538 kids this week, and writing more than that many reports, and putting out other fires at work, my head is spinning a bit. I almost never post from work, even during my lunch time. I feel guilty doing it. (I might not be able to say the same thing about reading your posts. Ahem.) But today, I'm putting a quick post out there just to let you know I'm alive and kickin' and will hopefully have a minute to breathe and post something interesting this weekend.

Until then, Happy Friday!